I am not a fan of bugs...AT ALL! I try to avoid any place that has bugs or where bugs may be able to "get me." One of the hubs favorite stories about me is when I got so scared of a cricket I jumped onto the couch and tooted VERY LOUDLY because I got so scared! It took him 5 minutes to stop laughing hysterically in order to get rid of the creepy bug! (Not funny!....ok well kind of).
Anyway, this year there is an explosion of stink bugs in the area. Apparently these little jerks have been around for about 10 years - but I had never seen one until I moved to our house in the burbs. They are ugly, nasty and disgusting bugs. I hate them! What makes it worse is that they are everywhere! They definitely like it in our house and take every opportunity to come in and join the party. They are NOT invited! I probably scream "BUG!" to Sean about 10 times a night - so that he can come to my rescue with a piece of TP. It would be bad enough if this was the only issue. But it's not...
Apparently these little effers have a vendetta against me for some reason. It's like they know my biggest fear is having bugs on me while i'm sleeping because that is EXACTLY what has happened multiple times in the last 7 days!
The first time it happened, it was around 2am and I was sleeping peacefully. I was laying on my side with my arm outside the blankets when I was awoken to a little tickle on my arm. I went to scratch it and FELT SOMETHING! I brushed my arm, shot out of bed, turned on the light and yelled THERE WAS A BUG ON ME!! (just writing this sent shivers up my spine!)
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worst fear realized! |
Sean woke up and looked at me like I was nuts..but then saw the stink-jerk climbing on the bed. He grabbed a tissue, got the bug, and rolled back over to go to sleep. I just sat there staring at him like...wtf? That's it? No worries...I'll be snoring in 2 minutes? Hmph. I could barely sleep the rest of the night and kept imagining that every piece of hair that brushed across my face was bug.
The next day, I was taking a shower and was rinsing the bad night memories out of my hair when I look down on the ground of the shower stall and there is a effin stink bug wriggling around on it's back on the floor! WHERE DID IT COME FROM? Was it in my hair? Oh god....NO! I swear, every time I see a bug in a place it shouldn't be that creepy scary music from Halloween plays in my head! So I jumped out of the shower with all the suds in my hair and used the shower sprayer to wash that bitch down the drain. Ugh...I figured I should be good on the whole bug attacks for a while, right? WRONG!
Since all of these bug assaults, Sean has been doing "bug check" in our room every night before I go to sleep. He'll look behind the curtains and generally any weird place a bug would hide. We found 2 last night creeping before I went to sleep. I figured we got them all and nestled down for the night. So I'm laying there mere seconds from slumber when I hear this "ticka ticka" noise. I decided to turn on the light just to check it out. I'm probably being paranoid but...ya know. So I turn on the light and look and what did I see?!?!
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About to climb into my hair!! |
a MOTHER EFFIN STINK BUG RIGHT NEXT TO MY PILLOW! So I jumped out of bed and screamed "BUGGGGG!!" for Sean to come upstairs and get it. Needless to say I had another horrible nights sleep last night. I seriously think I need to invest in a turban and ear plugs so that they don't crawl into my hair or ear and lay eggs! And maybe a SARS mask too so they can't crawl into my mouth...and maybe some sort of plastic bubble to sleep in.
I have some major problems....